How many times have you heard (or said) “it’s not what you say, it’s the way that you say it”? I remember hearing that a lot as a kid lol.
Similar can be said about how you receive something. Often people say things that are meant with good intentions, to help you, but sometimes those things can be damaging when you’re stuck and already feeling frustrated with the situation.
Stop Overthinking It!
We’ve all had times in our lives when we’ve approached someone with an issue hoping for some help, just to hear the phrase “ach it’s just a storm in a tea cup” or “you’re making a mountain out of a molehill” and /or “Don’t get your knickers in a twist”
The other one off course, and what the others basically mean, is “Stop overthinking it”. Again something that is usually said with the best of intentions but can have you spiralling even further in to feeling like crap about the situation because it should be easy so why is it keeping you stuck?
Instead of getting help, you’re now left feeling worse! You start to question why it’s easy for them, what is wrong with you, why can’t you sort it, and boom the spiral continues.
Sometimes you’re not overthinking anything at all, you’re just a little stuck and now that they’ve said that, you start to overthink it and again the spiral starts!
It’s not necessarily what they’ve said or even how they’ve said it, but also it’s how you then receive it and what you do with it. It’s all relative!
You can either get shouty and pissed off and huffy because this person isn’t helping (or so you think) or that they might not be the person to help you and go off to find someone who can. OR you can try to work through it!
Who, Why and What?
- Is this person saying it to wind you up even more?
- Are they saying it because they don’t actually have an answer so it’s easy to deflect or brush you off because they can’t be bothered listening to you?
- Are they just trying to piss you off even more than you are already?
OR are they saying it because they know you, because the chances are you are overthinking it? Are they saying it to try to help you in some way?
Why did you go to this person in the first place?
- Is it because you genuinely thought they would help?
- Is it because you knew you could have a right good woe is me moment or full blown pity party?
- Is this the umpteenth person you’ve asked because everyone else has said the same thing and you didn’t like what they said (are you at risk of being an askhole)?
- If you didn’t like what was said, WHY? Is it because you wanted a different answer, were you hoping they would just tell you what to do and take away the responsibility?
- Or are you just seeking permission to take action?
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly!
Overthinking isn’t always a bad thing! It can actually bring some rewards with it. It can raise questions and encourage us to explore and problem solve in different ways . For some people it’s just who they are it’s part of their make-up and causes no real issues for them. But in so many cases it holds us back to the point of doing nothing and staying stagnant. Overthinking can get ugly! Especially over long periods of time is not healthy. You get stuck with chaos and frustration and can’t get out of your own head.
It is often a defence mechanism that is employed to protect us from taking risks and making mistakes. If we didn’t try, if we didn’t make mistakes we would never change, we would never have the chance to succeed.
Sometimes we’re not really overthinking at all, we just get stuck and need someone to give us that little nudge to have the confidence to move forward.
It’s all relative. In the words of Tracey Baxter “We are human. The main thing is we are figuring things out”
If you think you need some help figuring things out, need a little nudge in the right direction and just want to work some things out please get in touch